Weird Thing at the Library

This mentions a library.

So, yesterday I was at the library and went over to the computers that they have at the library because it's a library and I was at the library because my sister was getting books at the library and...anyway when I clicked on the Google Search bar and typed in "Driver San Francisco" (a video game that I had wanted to, and since have, bought) but before I even got to the "v" in "Driver," this came up on the auto complete thing: "Drinks that make you fart"

What?? What the *ahem* eff is this? Who searches for "drinks that make you fart"? Why would anyone possibly need that information? Were they planning on going to some fart party and they needed to load up on some ammo? I thought everone knew that beans, beans, the magical fruit could help you out in that department. Or maybe he/she was going on a date and he/she needed to know what not to order, because they've had bad experiences at restaurants before. Boy, I know I have. There was this one time when I was in this really quiet, nice restaurant with my grandparents and I just let a huge one....uh, I mean, there's some weird people at the library, huh?

Naturally, I clicked search, ignoring the strange looks from the two people adjacent to me. Hey, I wasn't the origional fart-drink searcher. I clicked on the first result, and found it very strange. Go ahead and read it if you must, but here is a tasteful excerpt:

"There are a couple sources of fart gas, the largest source is actually swallowed air, and another is the bacterium in your intestines that help you digest your food.  Depending on what food you eat these bacteria will produce various levels of various gases.  What you eat could increase the amount of gas you expel, but for the most part what you eat will determine if your farts are smelly or not.  If you want to fart a lot try swallowing a lot of air and then waiting for a while."

First off, fart gas????!!!!! That is a term that I'll try to work into my everyday vernacular for sure. I hope I used that word correctly, but probably not. Where was that term coined. How could however thought up that phrase not realized that anyone who hears the words "fart gas" will instanly crack up in laughter?

Fart gas. Cool, huh?

Secondly, swallowing air????!!!!! (I know, I like to use italics and question marks and exclamation points, it's just who I am?????!!!!!). Is that something that we don't normally do? I don't know, it's just a weird thing I guess. Anyway, thats all for my blog post, and this is officially the last blog post that I'll ever do in term one of ninth grade for FFJH Honor English. I know that to be absolutely true. By the way, has anyone ever notice that the word assassin has not only one, but two swear words, and????!!!!! the word "sin"?

Sunday Football

There's something that I just love to do, which is to watch football on Sunday. I'm a big fan of the NFL, and I was very happy when the players and the owners settled about the contract disputes and just started to play the game. I think that all of the teams' owners just needed to suck it up and pay the players, because they will eventually make much more money then they have to give to the football players. It's lucky that the National Football League (official name) could get its players to play, not like the NBA, who has still failed to start their season. It is a good thing that the player's contracts were renewed so that we can have a proper football season.

We usually go to my Uncle Chris's house to watch (he has a big TV, and chips). Seriously, his TV is FREAKING huge, much bigger than ours, plus it's high def. The only problem is that he has three huge great Danes, and the Danes' tails are always knocking over our drinks and stuff, but the food is good and the TV is big so it's all OK. You would be surprised with how much people will put up with just to watch football on a huge TV.

When there is a break between the early and late games, my family, my uncle's family and my uncle's neighbors' family play touch football, which is really not that fun. Usually, the teams are family vs. family, Woods vs. Thomases, but this week, the parents decided to mix it up. All of the Thomases' kids were mixed up, and all of my family's kids were mixed up, and we squared off. To put this in perspective, these games are usually about as interesting as PE football games, and most of the time, I just want to get back to the TV.

I have had a chance to visit an actual NFL game. It was about three years ago, and we went to Raymond James Stadium in Tampa Bay, Florida, home of the Buccaneers (my favorite team). The stadium is nothing like it looks on television. The men's bathrooms are dirty, the food isn't all that good, there's a bunch of sleazy scalpers, but I still loved the experience. It's just fun to be part of the stadium experience, feeling the emotions of the whole stadium as you scream and root for your team to GO FIGHT WIN!!!

So if anybody is still reading at this point, I encourage you to try out watching a football game next Sunday, or Monday or Thursday. They can be very exciting and fun to watch. The Super Bowl is perhaps the biggest sporting event in the world, and draws millions of viewer’s world wide, all of whom are fans of football. Let's add to the ranks, we definitely need more football fans in America. So go ahead, plop down on the coach, flip on the TV, and watch some good old fashioned fun for a Sunday afternoon.

Psych (a cool TV progam show)

Recently at school (on Friday-YEAH that recently) I heard to people talking about the show Psych in every period, and in the lunch line. That made me feel kind of funny, because that is one of my favorite cool TV program shows, and it was interesting for me to think that so many people like it. I guess I should have known that it was pretty popular, because it has 6 seasons, but it made me laugh a little. All of the episodes from seasons one through five are on Netflix Watch Instant, and I would encourage people to try it out. It is truly laugh out loud at times and I became addicted to it last summer.

I guess the reason that I really like the really cool TV program show, Psych, is that many of it's jokes are really obscure, and it doesn't care. It just keeps telling joke after joke that the writers must know many people won't get. That isn't to say, however, that there aren't universally funny jokes thrown in the mix, like....

I don't know, maybe this is kind of obscure. If you don't get it, watch Jaws, it's actually also on Netflix Watch Instant, and it's a cool Movie program show. It's about a shark, with jaws (ahhh, you see) that eats people.

Anyway, back to Psych. Something that it has going is that it's not overly dirty. Not that I really care, and probably the two of you don't care either, but this could be a show that you could watch with your parents and not become an embarrassed saucy pants when something that is.... I don't know, sensual is mentioned. There are a few baudier (Thesaurus comes in handy) things in there, but not worse than Shrek, I guess. Plus, yo' momma's so drugged up that she won't even notice what you're watching. Sorry, that was in poor taste, I know she OD'd last year...psych! (see what I did there)

Which brings me to my next point. Dictionary.com has three deffinitions for the word psych, and the third one is the one that's most applicable to the show. It says psych means to figure out psychologically, to decipher. This applies to the show because the protagonist, Shawn, is a Santa Barbara PD consultant who helps the police solve crimes, most often murder cases. He is also a "PYCHic" detective, and runs an PI agency with his friend Gus. So basically, I wrote this paragraph to say that the title of a show makes sense in the context of what the show is about.

In conclusion, I would like to strongly urge you (the two of you) to watch this show if you have Netflix, or rent the DVDs, or pirate it online. Wait, don't do that. I seem to remember reading an article about netiquette somewhere...now where could that have been? Anyway, try to get your hands on a some Psych episodes, and you'll be able to get in on some inside jokes, such as the "Where's the Pineapple" game. I actually don't know if it's a game, but I do know that there's something with this show and pineapples. Anyway, try to watch it. Have fun (unless you think the show sucks).

BRAKING the Law

OK so if you are a cop, you might want to stop reading right now. I won't be discussing anything illegal, like braking the law or anything. NO, absolutely nothing. So just stop. Stop reading this right now. Please.
Just kidding, if there's let's say, 6 people reading this (a high estimate), there is an obscenely low chance that one of you is a cop, which is why I'm going to tell you this. I'm a drug runner. I swallow balloon fulls of drugs and  transport them to and from Mexico. Oh, and my parents let me drive our car on most weekends.

Not on Highway 89 or anything (although I once went on the interstate on the way to Park City brag brag brag), just around the city. So far, I haven't gotten into any accidents, which is a big plus. Also, I've never even seen a cop, nor gotten pulled over by one, which is a MAJOR plus, because I don't need my drugs to be discovered. If that ever happened, I would never be able to afford a flight back to Mexico. So I've been on rides with both of my parents, and both have found ample times to criticize me on my driving skills, which is good.

The weird thing is, my dad won't even let me get my liscense, or permit, until I finish my Eagle Scout Project, which is weird, because he never finished his. I don't know why he pushes it on me as something I HAVE to do. He never did it, and he seems to be perfectely fine in life. Is the eagle some mystical object that helps you get all the success and glory that you could ever want. Yeah, I know that it can be a deciding factor in a job interview, but so can a good car=I mean education. If I focus all my attentions and energies on driving-I mean education, wouldn't that also help me get a job. I mean, if you have a guy with stait A's at Harvard (not saying that'll be me) and a guy with an education at the local community colledge, who you would obviosly choose the Harvard one. Wait, he has an EAGLE, woah!!, hire him right away. I know that it can help, but not that much. Just because he did a community service project and completed a few merit badges doesn't give him this gigantic edge in the working world. You need a good schooling just as much as you need a sash with badges on it.

So hot and spicy.

Anyway, ideally, if I complete my eagle, I would love this car...

or this one...

but I'll most likely end up with this one, due to monetary limitations...

or hopefully I could get my grandfather to sell me one of his classic cars for cheap. The thing is, when you are a teenager who's only job is walking dogs and mowing lawns, you can only have about $2000 dollars save up in the bank (minus $500 or so for video games). So the realization that I came to is that I'll pretty much end up with a crappy car anyway so why even drive until I can afford a better car. I'll just mooch off my parents until I can.

I'm gonna get me some of that icecream, boy!!

What are you, stupid?

These videos, and the frisbee one I posted earlier, are all from YouTube, by Julian Smith. If you haven't seen some of his vidoes, there are some really good ones, and also some duds. It's like life I suppose, or Milk Duds. They have dud in the name, of course some of them are duds.

My Dog

Jojo. She's pretty melencholy in this picture, huh?

This week I want to talk about my dog, JoJo. She is the namesake for this blog, and is the only pet dog that I have ever had. Even though I have a cat and some fish, JoJo is the only pet that I really connect to. I love to walk her, pet her, take her to the park. She has a wonderful, kind and gentle personallity. I really love her, (and this is really sappy). I wonder how many peole have had a dog that they have connected with like I have with JoJo. There is, however, one problem. You have never smelled something so horrible as one of her *ahem* farts. They are, as many would put it "silent but horribly violent."

I want to tell the story of how my family came to own JoJo. We didn't, unfortunately, raise her from a puppy (I bet she would have been pretty cute). We got her when she was about 2 years old. It was 5 years ago (post script: that makes her 49 in dog years).  It was back when we had an old, green Buick Le Sabre. I only mention this because it was a huge part of my child hood, and because it was bright, metallic green. For some reason, this sticks out in my mind. Anyway, it was a cool, but sunny mid-October day. The sky was very blue, and cloudless. We were driving along, my mom following the directions of a newspaper clipping, cut out of the classifieds. It said something like "Dog for Sale, Mixed Breed, young (2 yrs), excited and happy, five dollars." I had read the clipping many times over, and still couldn't believe it. Five dollers! For a dog! Was she defective or something?

We arrived at the house. It was a nice, quiet, blue 2 story split duplex, as my dad would call it (he's an appraiser, he determines the value of people's houses and property). As soon as we pulled up, I heard the barking, and a small, squat, black dog ran from around behind the yard. A young kid ran screaming after her, and a mom walked out the front door, carrying a leash. "So, you're the people who want to buy Pepper?" (we later changed her name, my dad didn't like "Pepper"). "Yep" my mom said. "So, why did you decide to sell her?" "Well, we moved to this house, and the community rules are that you can't have an indoor dog, and Pepper just isn't an outdoor dog."

Thus is the sad story of Jo. Her previous family loved her dearly, put when they moved, they had to put her outside. JoJo really don't like the outside. So, they put an add in the newspaper to try and get her a better home. She wasn't defective, the family wanted to give her away for free, but the paper forced them to ask at least five dollers. And she became ours.